Okay, I feel the need to start this post with a disclaimer - I'm about to jump up on a really big soapbox!
"God won't put on you more than you can bear."
"You must be such a strong person - God wouldn't have given you this burden if He didn't know you could handle it."
Yes, in 1 Corinthians 10:13, Paul says, "God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." But, in the very next book, (2 Corinthians 1:8), he says, "we were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself."
Hmmm. . . great pressure, not able to endure, despair. . . .sounds like the way I felt when Allison died. I didn't feel strong, and I definitely couldn't bear it. . . the grief was too much for me, far beyond my ability to endure. My journal entries during those years reflected that very deep sense of despair and despondency.
About four years later, though, while we were living in Germany, our pastor's wife shared a Bible study that she had developed during a very difficult time in her life; and our chapel group began working through the book, 'Experiencing God'. Those 5 months were life-changing! I felt like a wounded animal just coming out of a long, healing hibernation, surprised to see the sun shining! Looking back, I see that God was my sustenance during those days. Or, in the words of 1 Corinthians 10:13, He was my 'way out': "When you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." I believe His Spirit was praying for me when I couldn't pray, holding onto me when I didn't have the strength to hold onto Him.
Daily, I have a choice - not about the evil or hard times that come into my life, but about the relationship developing with the only One who has the ability to see me through, whether in this life or not.
Yes, it was more than I could bear . . . but, God offered me a way out - Himself.
