Easter Reflections

"A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." Isaiah 53:3

Jesus said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. . .If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me." Matthew 26:38-39

Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Matthew 27:46

  In the days and weeks following Allison's death, I felt abandoned by God.  I prayed, screamed, cried out, but heard nothing in return.  C.S. Lewis expressed that same feeling in A Grief Observed: "Where is God?  When you are happy . . .and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be, or so it feels, welcomed with open arms.  But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face. . .Why is He so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble?"
   As the months and years passed, though, I began to realize that my wounded heart had gone into a spiritual hibernation.  In the same way that a wounded animal can awake from hibernation healed, my heart began once again to sense the love and presence of God.  Four years after Allison died, I wrote the following in my journal: " Thank you, Lord, for feeding me.  You've been my sustenance for the last few years, but now you're drawing me out of this dark hibernation.  And, it's time to start eating and growing again.  Thank you for being my 'bread of life'."
   Jesus, too, pleaded with God to take away the pain and suffering.  I can't begin to imagine the magnitude of His pain, but, since we know the 'rest of the story', we know that God never truly abandoned Him, but was accomplishing His purpose for the salvation of the world.  What a precious example! When I feel alone or forsaken by God, it's okay to scream and cry out to Him, to feel all the horrible feelings that come with grief and loss, and yet know, as time passes, that He is always there.